Hooray! It's almost time for OppiKoppi! It's the roughest few days of the year but totally worth it. My friend Lauren and I have booked into the 'Kreef Hotel'. Don't pull a face, it's a 0.5 star hotel and it's pretty much the same thing as camping except breakfast is prepared and the showers are half decent. This year I decided to go a little more comfortable than previous years because I have quite a few rough festivals notched on my belt and I think I fucking deserve it. 

There are a few things that stress me out about a festival. If you're a guy you should turn away now because these are things that will not interest you in the slightest. 

First, you need to figure out how to keep you hair looking nice and clean for 12 hours. I have a fringe and thin hair so it gets oily and flat pretty quickly, plus the wind and the dust puts my fringe in a very bad mood. I'm thinking this year I'll put it up in a head-band to keep the fringe off my face, or stuck in one place. Something like this:

It gets pretty hot during the day, but if you're like me and have lily-white legs and are not comfortable enough to wear shorts without tights, or you're too lazy/rushed to shave every morning, it's a good idea to find cheap enough tights which look good and you don't mind ruining. Like these:

I don't normally wear a lot of make-up but on the rougher days I almost feel like I need to go one step further with my make-up routine. Sometimes it doesn't pay off and you end up looking like a hungover rat who tried too hard, so the trick is to use as little make-up as possible but with a bold effect. A thin flick of eyeliner usually does the trick but a little bit of smokey-eye is also a good idea. Also, making the line too long will end up with it getting smudged, so keep it short. Any makeup on the lower lid, in my experience, is just a terrible idea. Keep the bottom clean.

One thing I hate is the fact that you spend so much time in the outdoors, and the sun, that avoiding sun cream is just a bad idea, unless you were blessed with dark skin and/or don't care about looking like a prune before your time. This means that you have to put sun cream on your face. More than once. There is no such thing as "oil free' sun protection unless you're buying the most expensive type, and no-one likes being oily. No-one. So I usually keep a little powder in my bag and after I've lathered my face in oil, I dab a bit on. 

Another thing I'll DEFINITELY pack is an umbrella. It always seems a bit extreme but when you see someone else walking around with one, it looks really refreshing. Walking around trying to find your friends in the boiling hot sun with an oily face is not funny.

It's flipping cold at night, and I always remember to pack a big jacket, but not enough small jerseys/cardigans to go UNDER the jacket. This year I'm packing tons of smaller jerseys to keep me warm underneath my main oke. Also, I always take plenty of long and fluffy socks, these help keep the cold off your feet while you sleep, but only use them during the night because they can get a bit jammy and gross. 

Number ONE most important little added extra which I will not and can never live without are a good pair of light (as in weight) and dark (as in tint/mirrored), sunglasses!!! BIG ONES! For those ugly walks of shame to the shower, and those tired moments when all you want is to rest your eyes in the crowd during a boring band without looking like a party-pooper. 

I think my grandpa has more style than the Olsen twins. They're tiny human beings who wrap themselves in metres and metres of material and go out into public. I don't think I would ever be interested in buying something they designed, they don't even know how to dress themselves nevermind the general public...

I happened to notice a lot of shit-talking on the Doors facebook page in my news feed, (Click---> _ <---Here). The arguments between the clubbers and the management are so funny and I've been very humoured by it all, but I don't want to lower my standards by arguing with people on a social media platform who can't spell and/or respect the English language, for example: 


"No I'm not chatting to most ppl so we cane see where and how we can changes it for ppl of Doors when last was u at the club?" and 
"i dunno you but its obvious that your a doos, but guess what we will never know since youre wise and brave remarks are too remain anonymous.....i grew up in the doors and i would just like to point out that little wanabe shits like you would never have got within 20m of the front door" 

*did you read that this person grew up indoors?"

Anyway! I was a regular at Doors for many years, but it soon started to get old. I stopped going and hadn't been to Doors for about 3 years until I went for the first time a few weeks ago. I was wearing pumps and they were literally coming off my feet at every step I took because the floor was so sticky. I had to clench my toes to keep my shoes on the whole night. 

I thought it was going to be a shit evening so I got as poes drunk as I possibly could while still managing to stand, and I actually ended up having an amazing time with my old friends. 

I firmly believe that if you go to a party with the preconceived idea that it's going to be crap, it will be. If you can rather go with a lets-see-where-this-goes attitude, you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised. 

I don't mind the music so much because no matter where I go, I will never hear all of my favourite tunes, whether I'm at Cool Runnings or Town Hall or Zepelins (all of which have closed down, by the way). To be honest, my friends and I have even organised "jock nights" at "jock clubs" for shits and giggles and ended up having an incredibly fun evening, even though the drinks prices at jock clubs will make you cringe and the music is FUCKING TERRIBLE!

I used to be a hardcore metalhead and I used to believe metal was the only "good" music that existed, but as I've grown older I've been exposed to many different kinds of music and places and it's opened my eyes. No place is perfect, no drinks are cheap, and there is no such thing as the 'right' music. It all depends on who you are with and your attitude before you leave your home. 

Doors definitely needs a lot of improvements, some being the attitudes of the bouncers (They could do with a few Anger Management classes), the condition of the club, the hygiene, the sound, and it would be nice to have some updated garden furniture on the balcony (I noticed that 99% of the chairs have butt-sized holes in them).

If I could get through to some of the victims of incest living in the East: Get a group of friends together, share a cab and go to the North. Once they see what it's like to party there, not only will they appreciate the music at Doors, but they'll also understand that the drinks prices at Doors are on the same level if not CHEAPER, and that their specials are really, very special indeed. 

Don't get me wrong, I still think Doors is kind of shit, I'm not rushing back to Doors anytime soon as I feel it's become more of a 'reunion' type place for old locals, and it's more of a novelty than a place to go every single weekend. But for the type of people complaining, it really is the only place they'll fit in, so they should treasure it. 

You get what you take people, so take the best out of everything that comes your way. 

Here are some hilarious truths and probably the reasons why I forced myself to wear pink sometimes:

Shoe is trying to be a collared shirt. 

Looks like this was hung upside down for 10 years 

Do women who still use pads need tanks like this on period days? 

And this, ladies and gents, is an assortment of necklaces which resemble the many different shapes and sizes of boobs. 

This article makes me so sad and so mad at the same time. 

Stupid men.

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/why-men-arent-really-men-anymore/

That fucking psycho is sitting in her mansion right now laughing at all of you. 
That, or the doorbell is ringing and she's sticking a crack pipe up her ass.

...Meanwhile, Kimberley Kardashian-West has had almost 9 months worth of fat days...

...And Kristen Stewart is so depressed after her breakup with that guy that she's hired ugly people to hang around her to make her feel better. 

I love you so much. The only thing I would change about you is the fact that you can't talk and you poo in the most awkward places. 

xxx

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Yessir we made it! The billions of us who survived the end of the world are lucky enough to be replacing a 2 with a 3 and carrying on with our lives as normal because nothing has changed, except for some of us there were a few more bucks added to our payslips. Hooray!

I had a week of holiday, but it didn't really feel like a holiday because I didn't have a single second on my own. I was always with people or family or doing stuff or shopping. To me, a holiday is waking up at 11am, sitting on your arse in pijamas watching series until 5pm, having a shower, getting back into pijamas,  making some food and getting back on that arse until 2am. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I have booked a lovely, long holiday in April in the Drakensberg (best place in the world) and I am looking forward to that, although when in the Drakensberg the arse is definitely sacrificed and other things are focused on such as finding goggo's under the path-lights and running up hills and riding horses and canoeing and swimming in lakes and climbing mountains and exploring valley's and having lots of morning romping with the bf (yes that's back on).

Being back at work in the new year is something I can compare to having to repaint your nails after botching the first round. It's tedious and seems like a complete waste of time. But, we have to pay the bills. 

I'm looking forward to a lot of things this year. My aforementioned holiday, getting a promotion, getting paid more, moving out into an apartment with a garden, and gardening, my Mom opening up her own nursery (plants, not kids), and hopefully going to Malta with my friends. All of these things are going to require a huge amount of work which I am willing to do. 

But I'll start next week. Obviously. :)

Here are some embarrassing photos from our NYE party:

...OH, and one more thing - It is a fact that I have the best friends EVER. 

The end. 

Food. 

As unhealthy and fattening as the food in this picture is, it looks SO good, I would love to get my mouth around each of those items. I would taste each one separately and then taste them all together. But the sad and lifesaving fact is, that I would feel sick and utterly disgusted in myself afterwards. 

Times are tough, I sit on an office chair all day, most of the time I am bored or thinking of the many things I could be doing instead of working - one of them is eating - one of them is sleeping - one of them is shopping - and since the only one which is actually possible without getting into trouble is eating, well, I do it. 

To be honest, food makes me feel sick. After a big meal, I regret eating. I feel bloated. I want to sleep. I want it to come out so I can feel light again because it makes me feel so heavy and lazy. Some people have told me I have an eating disorder, but trust me, I don't. I just eat the wrong food. 

I researched quite a bit about healthy foods and what you can eat and what you shouldn't if you feel the way I do. Mostly I just wanted to get rid of the bloating and lethargy. I tried fruits but they made it worse, the acid isn't good. I tried only greens but I was bored after the 3rd day. So after a few months of in and out discovering, I found foods that suited my body and I've stuck to it for about 3 weeks. The difference is incredible! 

Every day, I eat a no-fat plain yogurt with slices of banana, or I make a smoothie using a banana and some strawberries with the yogurt for breakfast. I eat celery with peanut butter for a snack later on, which is soooooo good by the way, no matter how 'thin' it sounds. Then for my proper lunch I eat a few Ryvita's with hummus and lettuce. I also eat salads without cheese and I can make a chickpea/corn/greenpea mix which is also divine. For dinner I eat chicken or fish with veggies. So pasta, bread, red meat and any kind of dairy is bad for my body, since I've cut those out I feel and look a lot better than I did a month ago. Even my skin is feeling more alive!

It just goes to show that the right food can change how you feel dramatically. I've never believed in 'diets', only healthy eating. And I've never seen myself as a fatty so I'm not trying to lose weight. I just want to feel good. And of course I still eat a burger on the weekend... I mean, really now. 

Where to start? 
Friday morning, November the 30th, 2012.

Woke up at about 9:30am (I took the day off work), had some tea, washed the dishes. Made my bed. Had a shower. Spent ages doing my make-up - correcting smears and smudges and fixing fine lines. Didn't really pay too much attention to my hair because I was going to put a wig over it anyway. Once everything was done and I had my lacy top, tights and boots on, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I was looking at someone from Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

My friend Lauren arrived, she also looked like someone from Rocky Horror Picture Show. But then we put our wigs on. And we turned into monsters.

If you haven't guessed what I'm talking about yet - you probably didn't experience what I'm about to talk about and you'll probably end up shaking your head at me and closing this window halfway through this post. But I don't care. I don't give a flying fag fuck. And I don't because someone told me I shouldn't. Someone amazing. Someone incredibly talented and someone who is the most inspiring long-distant-fake-best-friend I've ever had. 

I'll give you a clue:

Still don't get it? Here's another clue:

I'm talking about Lady Gaga. 

She came to South Africa and we made love. She blew our minds to heaven and brought us back to earth.

It was honestly the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. She arrived on a mechanical/human-horse which looked so realistic that people were complaining about animal cruelty the next day.
Her concert has been compared to a Cirque du soleil extravangansa - It was spectacular!  
She went from alien to fashion doll to dominatrix to rock chick. She gave birth to herself on stage. She told us that she wanted us to 'get drunk and puke on our friends'. 

She encouraged us not care about anything, to love ourselves, believe in ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and be who we want to be. It was like going to a motivational speaker who also sings and plays the piano and renders us speechless with an out-of-this-world performance. 

She touched each and every one of us on such a personal level, that my friends and I all agreed the next morning was a very emotional time, reflecting on our evening made us cry or at the very least gave us a huge lump in our monster throats. She laid all her insecurities on the table for us to see. 

People who never liked Gaga before were instantly converted. She is breathtaking.

I don't think I will ever see a better performance ever again. She has set the bar. And it is genuinely phenomenal. 

Lady Gaga is a form of art more than life. 

“Don't you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can't be exactly who you are. I want you to walk out of here tonight not loving me more, but loving yourselves more.”
- Lady Gaga