Hooray! It's almost time for OppiKoppi! It's the roughest few days of the year but totally worth it. My friend Lauren and I have booked into the 'Kreef Hotel'. Don't pull a face, it's a 0.5 star hotel and it's pretty much the same thing as camping except breakfast is prepared and the showers are half decent. This year I decided to go a little more comfortable than previous years because I have quite a few rough festivals notched on my belt and I think I fucking deserve it. 

There are a few things that stress me out about a festival. If you're a guy you should turn away now because these are things that will not interest you in the slightest. 

First, you need to figure out how to keep you hair looking nice and clean for 12 hours. I have a fringe and thin hair so it gets oily and flat pretty quickly, plus the wind and the dust puts my fringe in a very bad mood. I'm thinking this year I'll put it up in a head-band to keep the fringe off my face, or stuck in one place. Something like this:

It gets pretty hot during the day, but if you're like me and have lily-white legs and are not comfortable enough to wear shorts without tights, or you're too lazy/rushed to shave every morning, it's a good idea to find cheap enough tights which look good and you don't mind ruining. Like these:

I don't normally wear a lot of make-up but on the rougher days I almost feel like I need to go one step further with my make-up routine. Sometimes it doesn't pay off and you end up looking like a hungover rat who tried too hard, so the trick is to use as little make-up as possible but with a bold effect. A thin flick of eyeliner usually does the trick but a little bit of smokey-eye is also a good idea. Also, making the line too long will end up with it getting smudged, so keep it short. Any makeup on the lower lid, in my experience, is just a terrible idea. Keep the bottom clean.

One thing I hate is the fact that you spend so much time in the outdoors, and the sun, that avoiding sun cream is just a bad idea, unless you were blessed with dark skin and/or don't care about looking like a prune before your time. This means that you have to put sun cream on your face. More than once. There is no such thing as "oil free' sun protection unless you're buying the most expensive type, and no-one likes being oily. No-one. So I usually keep a little powder in my bag and after I've lathered my face in oil, I dab a bit on. 

Another thing I'll DEFINITELY pack is an umbrella. It always seems a bit extreme but when you see someone else walking around with one, it looks really refreshing. Walking around trying to find your friends in the boiling hot sun with an oily face is not funny.

It's flipping cold at night, and I always remember to pack a big jacket, but not enough small jerseys/cardigans to go UNDER the jacket. This year I'm packing tons of smaller jerseys to keep me warm underneath my main oke. Also, I always take plenty of long and fluffy socks, these help keep the cold off your feet while you sleep, but only use them during the night because they can get a bit jammy and gross. 

Number ONE most important little added extra which I will not and can never live without are a good pair of light (as in weight) and dark (as in tint/mirrored), sunglasses!!! BIG ONES! For those ugly walks of shame to the shower, and those tired moments when all you want is to rest your eyes in the crowd during a boring band without looking like a party-pooper. 

I think my grandpa has more style than the Olsen twins. They're tiny human beings who wrap themselves in metres and metres of material and go out into public. I don't think I would ever be interested in buying something they designed, they don't even know how to dress themselves nevermind the general public...

I happened to notice a lot of shit-talking on the Doors facebook page in my news feed, (Click---> _ <---Here). The arguments between the clubbers and the management are so funny and I've been very humoured by it all, but I don't want to lower my standards by arguing with people on a social media platform who can't spell and/or respect the English language, for example: 


"No I'm not chatting to most ppl so we cane see where and how we can changes it for ppl of Doors when last was u at the club?" and 
"i dunno you but its obvious that your a doos, but guess what we will never know since youre wise and brave remarks are too remain anonymous.....i grew up in the doors and i would just like to point out that little wanabe shits like you would never have got within 20m of the front door" 

*did you read that this person grew up indoors?"

Anyway! I was a regular at Doors for many years, but it soon started to get old. I stopped going and hadn't been to Doors for about 3 years until I went for the first time a few weeks ago. I was wearing pumps and they were literally coming off my feet at every step I took because the floor was so sticky. I had to clench my toes to keep my shoes on the whole night. 

I thought it was going to be a shit evening so I got as poes drunk as I possibly could while still managing to stand, and I actually ended up having an amazing time with my old friends. 

I firmly believe that if you go to a party with the preconceived idea that it's going to be crap, it will be. If you can rather go with a lets-see-where-this-goes attitude, you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised. 

I don't mind the music so much because no matter where I go, I will never hear all of my favourite tunes, whether I'm at Cool Runnings or Town Hall or Zepelins (all of which have closed down, by the way). To be honest, my friends and I have even organised "jock nights" at "jock clubs" for shits and giggles and ended up having an incredibly fun evening, even though the drinks prices at jock clubs will make you cringe and the music is FUCKING TERRIBLE!

I used to be a hardcore metalhead and I used to believe metal was the only "good" music that existed, but as I've grown older I've been exposed to many different kinds of music and places and it's opened my eyes. No place is perfect, no drinks are cheap, and there is no such thing as the 'right' music. It all depends on who you are with and your attitude before you leave your home. 

Doors definitely needs a lot of improvements, some being the attitudes of the bouncers (They could do with a few Anger Management classes), the condition of the club, the hygiene, the sound, and it would be nice to have some updated garden furniture on the balcony (I noticed that 99% of the chairs have butt-sized holes in them).

If I could get through to some of the victims of incest living in the East: Get a group of friends together, share a cab and go to the North. Once they see what it's like to party there, not only will they appreciate the music at Doors, but they'll also understand that the drinks prices at Doors are on the same level if not CHEAPER, and that their specials are really, very special indeed. 

Don't get me wrong, I still think Doors is kind of shit, I'm not rushing back to Doors anytime soon as I feel it's become more of a 'reunion' type place for old locals, and it's more of a novelty than a place to go every single weekend. But for the type of people complaining, it really is the only place they'll fit in, so they should treasure it. 

You get what you take people, so take the best out of everything that comes your way. 

Here are some hilarious truths and probably the reasons why I forced myself to wear pink sometimes: